So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
