he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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