O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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