Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
