This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
