My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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