sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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