Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
