omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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