based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
