Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
