then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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