he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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