why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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