she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
