Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize