You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
