Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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