Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
In America we eat man semen.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize