I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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