drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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