I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
