SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
