I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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