Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wakey wakey hands off snakey
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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