hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
