u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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