he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she smelled like a LAN party
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
