So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
