A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
