Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize