I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
