Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
