i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
