Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
