So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
