end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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