what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
