i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
