when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
