You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
