I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
sex in a hospital.. check
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
