DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.