if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
