we made out on top of his cat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.