Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
