question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
