Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars