I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
