Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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