Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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