i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
