Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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