I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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