I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
