I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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