chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
