so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
