Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
