Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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