Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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