She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
