I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
