Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
