Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
