Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
