umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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