When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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