I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
