i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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