I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
