alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
