I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
