i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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