i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
