Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
