standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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