I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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