I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize