I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize